Via Chicagotribune.com:

Lop off your fingers, the new “Star Wars” lightsaber will. Know this, every Jedi knight should.

Happily, I can’t write this entire column using a Yoda Speak Generator. So in simple Chicagoese, I’ll tell you this: My experts insist that if you use that new lightsaber, you’ll chop your fingers off.

Yeah, I heard what Stephen Colbert said in defending the new lightsaber. But he’s a comedian playing a conservative on TV. I’m a real conservative who knows a thing or two about fictional galaxies.

Chicago will be the home of the George Lucas Museum of What Lucas Thinks is Cool out on the lakefront, and that makes the city the epicenter of “Star Wars” nerd-dom. And now we’ve been thrust in the middle of the nerdiest controversy of all:

Whether the new fangled lightsaber seen in the trailer for the upcoming “Star Wars VII — The Force Awakens” is dangerous or not.

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